You could basically walk into any group and say "some of these parents just drive me bananas" and everybody would agree with you... even the ones that are the problem would be in total agreement with what they think you are saying.
Driving and parenting... people don't like to admit they are a bad at either of these things... people will gladly declare that they are horrible at math or terrible at cooking or useless at art... the list goes on. Parents loves their children, so to be less than great in raising them can be perceived as a swipe at the idea that maybe they don't love them.
The key thing is raising children... that means nurturing good habits and helping to foster competent and reasonable humans that can grow independent and can be a positive member of society. Of course raising children is a lot more than that, but i think it suits a decent key summary that opposes what you see sometimes which is constantly deciding and doing everything for the child, being there to mediate every interaction and constantly showering approval on every minor thing the kid does.
What is happening here? My best guess might be that the parent sees the child isolating him or herself due to their immature behaviors and the parent's heart starts to break for this child they they love so much... they can't help themselves so they set out to right this wrong so the child feels LOVE because that's what everybody needs right? How could you be so callous to say to the love of your life "Yep, when you act like an idiot, you will find people will treat you like an idiot, now if you change your ways you will find people will change their perception of you" and leave it at that. Now if your kid is being mean you do need to step up and shut that down once and for all... don't try and pretend that it is all of the children's fault's and drag all of the kids and the parents into an explaining and apologizing session... that's even more enraging because you are giving the mean kid that started this some form of positive re-enforcement where the mean behavior ends with a group hug. You ever hear "There is no way MY child is going to have to do that!"... Notice how "MY" comes before "child" in the sentence? It looks that way because it is that way. Now i understand wanting to protect your children, but to interfere with every minor conflict your child has in life, robs that child of the teaching moments that the interaction has for them.
It's kind of like the sleeping dilemma... it's about patterns. You can get up all through the night to soothe and comfort crying toddlers, and that is what becomes normal or you can teach your children that at night you go to sleep and sort your ass out and I'll see you in the morning. One of those methods has the whole family up all night sleep deprived dealing with a hectic life, and the other one has a well rested family ready to take on the day. Obviously there are rough patches but the child that cries longer earlier and is left to learn cries a lot less over the cumulative course of time. I have heard staunch arguments against this theory by people who have had all kinds of ideas that aren't really working out because of some "uncontrollable factor". True, nothing is 100% and some people are born with sleeping disorders but I'm sure the biggest sleeping disorder is a co-dependent bond with a loving parent.
I was an ass hole kid from time to time... i took some beats (from other kids) and was shunned for blocks of time, I had to figure out how to get along with people. When the Principal phoned my Mom and told her he wanted to give me the strap, she said "Do It! Hopefully it will straighten him out!". See how far we have come? Now i don't think we should be beating kids, that's bad because a physically stronger person should never be able to settle something by using their obvious advantage... that teaches a bad lesson. I would never hit a kid, i do however call them out on their shitty behavior and don't give them an inch on that line. As a former destructive and buggering child I know a lot of the tricks and I know them well. The trick is to see bad behavior in children like data in a scientific trial, don't be emotionally attached with regard to what is really happening. Observe children like you might watch a flock of birds feeding at the bird feeder... you could say "Hey that Jay just booted the sparrow's ass out of the prime feeding area with a vicious beak to the back of the neck." And the analogy (drum roll).... "I think something happened earlier in the day... Bobby must have done something to Billy... i guess they had a disagreement and Billy might have eaten some of Bobby's lunch but i think he thought it was his cause i told him i was going to give him a peanut butter sandwich... I'll phone Bobby's parents and we will talk this out"
Boundaries are walls that are built brick by brick.
Driving and parenting... people don't like to admit they are a bad at either of these things... people will gladly declare that they are horrible at math or terrible at cooking or useless at art... the list goes on. Parents loves their children, so to be less than great in raising them can be perceived as a swipe at the idea that maybe they don't love them.
The key thing is raising children... that means nurturing good habits and helping to foster competent and reasonable humans that can grow independent and can be a positive member of society. Of course raising children is a lot more than that, but i think it suits a decent key summary that opposes what you see sometimes which is constantly deciding and doing everything for the child, being there to mediate every interaction and constantly showering approval on every minor thing the kid does.
What is happening here? My best guess might be that the parent sees the child isolating him or herself due to their immature behaviors and the parent's heart starts to break for this child they they love so much... they can't help themselves so they set out to right this wrong so the child feels LOVE because that's what everybody needs right? How could you be so callous to say to the love of your life "Yep, when you act like an idiot, you will find people will treat you like an idiot, now if you change your ways you will find people will change their perception of you" and leave it at that. Now if your kid is being mean you do need to step up and shut that down once and for all... don't try and pretend that it is all of the children's fault's and drag all of the kids and the parents into an explaining and apologizing session... that's even more enraging because you are giving the mean kid that started this some form of positive re-enforcement where the mean behavior ends with a group hug. You ever hear "There is no way MY child is going to have to do that!"... Notice how "MY" comes before "child" in the sentence? It looks that way because it is that way. Now i understand wanting to protect your children, but to interfere with every minor conflict your child has in life, robs that child of the teaching moments that the interaction has for them.
It's kind of like the sleeping dilemma... it's about patterns. You can get up all through the night to soothe and comfort crying toddlers, and that is what becomes normal or you can teach your children that at night you go to sleep and sort your ass out and I'll see you in the morning. One of those methods has the whole family up all night sleep deprived dealing with a hectic life, and the other one has a well rested family ready to take on the day. Obviously there are rough patches but the child that cries longer earlier and is left to learn cries a lot less over the cumulative course of time. I have heard staunch arguments against this theory by people who have had all kinds of ideas that aren't really working out because of some "uncontrollable factor". True, nothing is 100% and some people are born with sleeping disorders but I'm sure the biggest sleeping disorder is a co-dependent bond with a loving parent.
I was an ass hole kid from time to time... i took some beats (from other kids) and was shunned for blocks of time, I had to figure out how to get along with people. When the Principal phoned my Mom and told her he wanted to give me the strap, she said "Do It! Hopefully it will straighten him out!". See how far we have come? Now i don't think we should be beating kids, that's bad because a physically stronger person should never be able to settle something by using their obvious advantage... that teaches a bad lesson. I would never hit a kid, i do however call them out on their shitty behavior and don't give them an inch on that line. As a former destructive and buggering child I know a lot of the tricks and I know them well. The trick is to see bad behavior in children like data in a scientific trial, don't be emotionally attached with regard to what is really happening. Observe children like you might watch a flock of birds feeding at the bird feeder... you could say "Hey that Jay just booted the sparrow's ass out of the prime feeding area with a vicious beak to the back of the neck." And the analogy (drum roll).... "I think something happened earlier in the day... Bobby must have done something to Billy... i guess they had a disagreement and Billy might have eaten some of Bobby's lunch but i think he thought it was his cause i told him i was going to give him a peanut butter sandwich... I'll phone Bobby's parents and we will talk this out"
Boundaries are walls that are built brick by brick.
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